Dear diary

8 Nov

I’m at home after my 2nd round of chemo. The first was 3 weeks ago.

It wasn’t fun. Today, as in the first appointment, the nurse had two goes at getting the cannula in for the IV and the first one freaking hurt. I feel kind of bad for the nurses. It can’t be easy when they know they’ve put you in pain after not getting it first time around. Although, as Mum pointed out today, it’s not like they don’t get enough practice (she’s been through it all too with bowel cancer around 6 years ago).

Following the cannula misfire at the first appointment, having been hooked up to the drip and looking at the needle in my arm with said tubes attached a small meltdown ensued. Right then, at that moment, it was real. I was actually getting this poison deposited into my veins (actually at that point it was just fluids, but that’s beside the point) and I was scared and worried about how I was going to feel after this, when my hair was going to fall out, how much it was going to take over my life. Tears started welling and then it all came out. F**k this sucks.

As it turns out, I shouldn’t have been so worried. Other than not getting any sleep at all on the first night (Monday), I noticed minimal side effects. The only nausea I felt was in the car on the way home from the appointment (but that could have been DH’s driving). I did start to get really bad headaches on Saturday that have kind of gone away now but are still lingering somewhat. They could potentially be related to the anti-nausea meds I was taking. My oncologist has referred me for a precautionary CT scan to make sure there’s nothing going on in there (other than exceptional brain activity of course). The hair started to go the following Saturday, and funnily enough it doesn’t start falling out from where you think. H from work (an inspiring breast cancer survivor) eloquently referred to it as a free brazilian. Woot woot! It started falling out from my head, on Monday. Not much. Just a few little clumps if I tugged at it a little. It wasn’t really noticeable until Friday, but then I have very thick hair so there was a lot to lose.

I was having a bitch of a time trying to style it on Thursday night though, and since I was going to a fashion show with one of my uber stylish and smoking hot BFFs, I decided to don my wig that I’d bought on the day of my first chemo. I felt like a giant bobble head that everyone was staring at going, ‘OMG, look at her hair – it’s totally a wig’. Possibly it wasn’t like that, because one of the male models decided to get down off the catwalk and give me a glad eye, then sit on my knee and have a wee snuggle. Another one then got off and approached BFF and they both proceeded to help themselves to our bubbly. So either I looked alright, or he spied my giant wig bobble head and decided to take pity on me by giving me a mini lap dance. Guess I’ll never know for sure.

In the shower on Friday it was really starting to fall out. I was in there for ages just running my hands over and over my head, coming out with more and more hair each time. Today though, it’s still not completely gone but it’s not looking pretty. Kind of like a poorly skinned possum. I thought I’d freak out at the first sight of a bald patch but turns out I don’t feel too upset about it. It’s just starting to piss me off now – I want it all gone because it’s been sore for days now. That feeling like when you have a cap on all day and then you take it off and try to move your hair and it hurts – like it’s all pointing the wrong way. Annoying.

The wig is a pain to wear. After having it on for a few hours I can’t wait to take it off. I wore it to a wedding on Saturday (along with the fabulous new hat that I bought) and couldn’t wait to take it off after the ceremony. I put it back on before going to the reception and I suppose it wasn’t too bad by the end of the night, but I would still rather wear my pretty pink twist ‘n’ tie that Mum bought me (check out

Onto the title of this post. I’ve started a new category for these posts called chemo diaries. I intend to post short, regular updates (it remains to be seen whether this will actually happen), documenting my experience throughout the current stage on my road to beating this bitch (sorry for all the swear words Mum). If nothing else it will be a place that I can refer friends, family, colleagues, people on the street (and anyone else who feels they want to know the gory details) to, so that they can read about how I’m going – potentially saving me the ordeal of being asked the question “how are you feeling?” 20 times every single day. I’m feeling alright thanks (especially when listening to the sweet piano solo in this clip).

(Cocker’s looking a bit younger and spunkier in this vid huh!)


5 Responses to “Dear diary”

  1. Hanna November 8, 2010 at 8:11 pm #

    Way to go Kylie – I had no idea you had a wig on in your gorgeous photos you posted today. You’re a super tough lady and super smart so I know you know this has to be done.. Thinking of ya xxxxx

  2. Derri November 9, 2010 at 8:57 pm #

    Hugs x

  3. Hatiheri (Tish) January 2, 2011 at 12:24 pm #

    You’re doing well to write about this. When I was diagnosed
    I looked high and low for info on what chemo was actually like and
    struggled to find anything relevant to ME, apart from Martha on
    Home and Away going through it (and at that time I though ‘yeah
    right, she’s faaar to young to have breast cancer – how
    unrealistic’ hmmmm). I too started a blog but when it came to chemo
    I just COULD NOT write about it. The first week I was sicker that
    the proverbial dog and had zero energy. The second week I felt ill
    every time I even thought about chemo let alone talked or typed
    about it. And in the third week I was so pleased that I was feeling
    somewhat normal that I didn’t want to mar that with chemothink,
    plus this mixed with anxiety and trepidation about the upcoming
    infusion on the Friday meant that I just wanted to NOT be in that
    zone at all. Out of body experiences welcome any time. Except of
    course those out of body experiences Elvis died from. I can totally
    understand how one can die from that affliction now. I have not had
    babies but I seriously suspect it cannot be as bad as bowel-based
    side-effects from anit-nausea drugs. Can anyone validate

    • Kylie January 9, 2011 at 12:27 pm #

      I have a slightly hard time with the anti-nausea drugs but for me it’s nothing that a glass of kiwi crush can’t fix. I suspect I have been having an easier time than most people with my chemo, which I am so grateful for, but also so sad that other people have such a hard time with it.

      I am finding that so long as I take the anti-nausea drugs each day that I’m meant to (I’m on two different kinds), the nausea isn’t a problem. I only started to notice the fatigue after my third treatment.


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